Senior Facebook

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists — I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them “thumbs up” and tell them I “like” them. And it works just like Facebook.

I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

Last Wish

The old prospector, realizing he was on his death bed, sent for his lifelong friend and said, “Pal, I want you to promise to do something for me. Here is a bottle of whiskey I’ve been saving. When I die and am buried, I want you to sprinkle it on my grave.”

“Okay,” replied the friend, “but will it be alright if I drink it first?”

Optimistic Attitude

A reporter interviewing a man who had reached his 99th birthday said, “I certainly hope I can return next year and see you reach 100.”

“Can’t see why not, young feller,” the old-timer replied, “you look healthy enough to me.”