“I wouldn’t worry too much if your son makes mud pies,” the psychiatrist consoled the woman. “And the fact that he sometimes tries to eat them is also quite normal.”

“Well, I don’t think so,” rasped the woman, “and his wife doesn’t either.”

A nan in England decided to visit a married couple he hadn’t seen for some time. The wife opened the door.

“Hello, Maggie, nice to see you,” he said, “How’s Jim?” “Jim?” she repeated. “Didn’t you know? ‘E’s dead. Went down to the garden to pull a cabbage for dinner and as he bent down he fell dead right there on the spot.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the visitor. “What on earth did you do?”

“Well, what could we do? He had to open a tin of peas!” The old prospector, realizing that he was on his deathbed, sent for his lifelong friend and said: “Pal, I want you to promise to do something for me. Here is a bottle of whiskey I have been saving. When I die and am buried, I want you to sprinkle it on my grave.”

“O.K.” replied the friend, “but will it be all right if I drink it first?”

A visiting evangelist was discussing the raising of Lazarus from the dead.

“Now, how do you suppose Lazarus came out of that tomb?” he asked.

A small hand shot up and a boyish voice was heard: “Fast!” he answered.

A reporter, interviewing a man who had reached his 99th birthday, said, “I certainly hope I can return next year and see you reach 100.”

“Can't see why not, young feller,” the old timer replied, “you look healthy enough to me.”