Jack Lynn, an avid baseball fan and player, once persuaded to attend the races, where he put a $2 bet on a 50-to-1 shot. As his horse came down the stretch neck-and-neck with the favorite, Jack hollered: “Slide, yuh bum! Slide!”

The teacher was trying to get over the intricacies of subtraction. “You have ten fingers,” she said. “Suppose you had three less, then what would you have?”

“No music lessons,” Tommy replied promptly. At a recent political meeting a well-known Republican was speaking, says the Wall Street Journal. He remarked that his method of obtaining votes for the Republican party was to give every taxi driver a large tip, then tell him: “Vote Republican.” “I think my way is better,” said a colleague. “I give them no tip and tell them ‘Vote Democratic’.”

A young husband received a telegram saying that his mother-in-law’s body had been found floating at the seashore, a lobster attached to each toe. He was asked to reply by wire, giving instructions for disposition of the body.

Without hesitation he telegraphed back: “Sell the lobsters. Set her again.”