A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for

$20…on one condition.”

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said… “Clean my house”.

1. The best way to get even is to forget.

2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.

3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

4. Some folks wear their halos much too tight.

5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they all have to be maintained on earth.

6.Unless you can create the whole universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving “advice” to God, isn’t such a good idea!

7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up.

8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by traffic from both ways.

9. Words are windows to the heart.

10. A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it’s a forgery.

11. It isn’t difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.

12. A successful marriage isn’t finding the right person; it’s being the right person.

13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.

14. Too many people offer God prayers with class marks all over them.

15. The tongue must be heavy, indeed, because so few people can hold it.

16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free and then discover the prisoner was you.

17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!

18. It’s all right to sit on your potty pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. You’ll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.