The Priest met Mary O’Brien and asked what she was concealing under her cape. She said it was holy water. The priest reached for the bottle, uncorked it and sniffed. “Why, Mary,” he exclaimed, this isn’t holy water, this is gin.” where upon Mary crossed herself and said: “Glory be to God, another miracle!”

Leaving the plush Stork Club one night, a miserly gentleman stalked right past the doorman without tipping him. Nevertheless, the doorman helped the man into the car with a flourish and said pleasantly, “In case you happen to lose your wallet on the way home, sir, just remember that you didn’t pull it out here.”

A man was walking along a dimly lighted street, when suddenly a stranger slipped from the shadows and stopped him.

“What do you want?” asked the man nervously.

“Would you be so kind,” said the stranger plaintively, “as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun!”