If My Body Was a Car

Scary how true it is! If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull.

But that’s not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it’s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here’s the worst of it. Almost every time I sneeze, cough, or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

Old is Better

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800 km/hr at 33,000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2. The F-16 pilot decided to show off. On his state-of-the-art radio that is part of his state-of-the-art 3D million-dollar headset, the youngster told the 777 pilot, “Hey Captain, watch this!”

He promptly went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep, unimaginable vertical climb. He then finished as he broke the sound barrier, as the F-16 screamed down at impossible Gs before leveling at almost sea level.

The F-16 pilot asked the 777 pilot what he thought of that. The 777 pilot said, “That was truly impressive, but watch this!”

The 777 chugged along for about 5 minutes, and then the pilot came back on and said, “What did you think of that?”

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, “What the heck did you do?”

The 777 pilot chuckled and said, “I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll, and secured a date for the next 3 nights in a five-star hotel paid for by the company.”

Lesson: When you are young and foolish, speed and flash may seem like a good thing. When you get older and smarter, comfort and dullness is not such a bad thing. It’s called S.O.S. — Slower, Older and Smarter.

Dedicated to all my friends approaching or enjoying S.O.S.