1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Church Lady Bulletin Notices, Part 1

They’re back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Heavens for the church ladies with typewriters (and computers). These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services. Many have been around before, but it looks like some new ones have been added.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon to night: Searching for Jesus.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don’t let worry kill you off — let the Church help. Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again”, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.