My Turn to Share Random Thoughts

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.

Apparently an RSVP to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.

Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.

Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.

“You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me, because you saw that sign two miles ago like I did.'

It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.”

I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have lots of new ideas.

As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of.....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.

I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.