Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, “How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?”

“Just a minute,” said the busy clerk. “Vell,” said Lena, “if it has to go dat fast, I tink I’ll just take da bus.”

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support.

He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support.”

“Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a while I’ll try to chip in a few bucks, myself.”

Lars asked Ole, “Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?”

“No, I don’t,” said Ole. “A canoe will sometimes tip,” explained Lars.

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, “Vell, dere goes five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!”

Lars: “Ole, stand in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working.”

Ole: “Ya, no, ya, no, ya, no, ya, no…” Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. Giggling, Lena said, “Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to.” So Ole drove to Duluth.

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ole died.’” The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died’? Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.” So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “O.K. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale.’”