Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Young son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend. The woman replied, “A billionaire.”

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”