I don't know about you but I find all of these to be just about how I feel anymore.

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” –Bill Watterson I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days.

I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me, it’s the side effects. I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of .. it will be poor grammar, misspelled, no punctuations and may not make any sense at all.

As I got older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I got nothing done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.